Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My script - version 2

I just wanted to try the same premise from a different angle, having takem my friend Girish's suggestion into consideration. I changed the characterisations slightly & treated the screenplay differently. In the process, I learnt 2 important lessons abt script-writing (which I will share later after seeing a feedback).

The new version of my story goes like this -


(Yet to be titled)


Main characters


· Ragavan – 52 yr old person, working in a private finance company as Accts manager – Very hard working, loyal, sincere, honest etc – Family man with an ailing wife, 1 daughter who was recently married to a U.S based s/w engineer, 1 son – who has scored very poor marks in his +2 board exams.


· Ranjani – 40 yr old attractive woman, working in the same company as GM(finance) – Divorcee with no children (or) maybe she has a family in Mumbai– Lives alone – Good mannered, Strict & well dressed decent lady.


Situation
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Ranjani has offered a loan to her family friend(a big amount) with a personal guarantee, but the guy vanishes after taking the loan. Only Ragavan knows abt the personal assurance of her & he has that particular file. An external audit team / M.D are visiting the company in 2 days & Ranjani wants that Guarantee form to be removed from the file, so that it would look like another default case.


Stake


Ranjani - She is expecting a promotion & a transfer to Mumbai, her beloved city. This scam might spoil everything, including her career.

Ragavan – His son’s desired education.



Scene 1

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Ragavan’s house. 7am.

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Ragavan is completing his puja (Gayathri jabam), a daily ritual. His wife hints about their son Vishnu’s desire to go to engineering college. Ragavan sneers at her, accuses his son for his poor results & wants him to forget all those desires. His wife talks about payment quota & he gets even angrier. He points out that they went overboard recently to get their daughter married to a U.S guy. Apart from the bypass surgery expenses (for his wife), so much of unpaid loans, his ineligibility to acquire new loans, his less salary etc. His wife keeps quite. Their son Vishnu is lying on the bed & listening to it all with teary eyes.
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Scene 2
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Office. Day. 11am

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Ranjani summons Ragavan into her room & reminds him about their MD Mr.Kothari’s visit & the external audit. While talking abt the formalities, she brings the case of her personal assurance (looks like, she had already discussed this with him earlier itself). Ragavan doesn’t budge. He says he cannot become her accomplice in this scandal & requests her to face the consequences. She pleads him, but he is unrelenting.
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As a last resort, she mentions that she had come across his loan application by chance & she states that he do not have a slightest chance of getting it sanctioned, as he had already taken a lot of loans earlier. But she is willing to help him by recommending it & getting it done for him, all for a small favour from him. He looks into her eyes, nods his head in negative & leaves the room.

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Scene 3

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Ragavan’s house. Dinner table. 8pm.

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All 3 of them are having their dinner. There is a strained silence in the room. Their son Vishnu slowly mentions that his close friend’s father has paid 5 lacs to a pvt engineering college & has got a seat for his friend. He looks at his father with pleading eyes. Ragavan continues to munch without responding. After a while, he asks Vishnu if he had submitted the application for the B.Sc maths seat in Vivekananda College. Vishnu gets up from the table without eating & leaves. His wife looks down & Ragavan continues to eat.

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Scene 4.

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Office. 3pm. Ranjani’s room.

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Ranjani & Ragavan are discussing abt the audit & she brings out her point again. Ragavan is stubborn. Ranjani asks him if he is expecting any other favours from her & looks at him inquisitively. He glares at her & says that he has immense respect for her & warns her not to provoke him any further. She looks defeated, apologises & pleads him again. He gets up & leaves her room.

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Scene 5.

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Office. Ragavan’s place.

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Ragavan opens his closet & takes out the file. He looks at her personal assurance form, stares at it for a while & puts the file back in there. His colleague comes near him & tries to chat with him, some other office gossip. Ragavan is not interested, continues with his work.


Scene 6.

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Ragavan’s house. Night. 9pm

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He enters the house from office & explains to his wife that due to the next day’s auditing, there was a lot of work at office. His wife tells him that their son had not eaten from yesterday & is refusing to come out of his room. Ragavan says that Fasting is good for health & goes into his room.

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Scene 7.

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Ragavan’s bedroom. 10pm.

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Ragavan is flipping thru a magazine, lying on his bed. His wife enters the room & he enquires if Vishnu had eaten anything. She nods her head saying ‘no’. He looks unperturbed & continues with the magazine. His mobile rings & it shows ‘Ranjani Madam’ in its display. He picks it, listens to it for a while & says calmly ‘ Please don’t try to cover a mistake with another’. Then without continuing, he says ‘Good night’ & cuts the line. His wife is watching him with confusion.

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Scene 8.

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Ragavan’s house. Morning. 7am.

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Ragavan is doing his puja. (the puja room is a part of the kitchen). His wife brings his mobile & calls/disturbs him hesitantly. He looks at her angrily & she informs that it has been ringing for more than 15 minutes & she felt that it could be important. He takes the phone from her angrily. It is Ranjani on the other end. She apologises first for the early morning call & then informs him that she had withdrawn all her personal savings of Rs.3.5 lacs the previous day & would be bringing it to the office. All he had to do was to destroy the paper & she would give the money to him, either as a gift or as a loan according to his wish. She pleads him again & requests him not to let her & her career down. She cuts the line.

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Ragavan keeps the mobile down & tries to continue with the jabam. But he stutters & the flow is not there. His wife glances sideways to acknowledge his lack of concentration.

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Scene 9.

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Ragavan’s house. 8.30am

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Ragavan is about to leave. He enquires about Vishnu & his wife says that he has already left. She says that Vishnu has gone to a new/unknown Engineering college in the outskirts, which could be offering the seats for a very cheap price. He wanted to enquire & if the payment is high there too, then he would be going to Vivekanada college from there directly to submit his application. Ragavan takes his bag & leaves.

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Scene 10.

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Office. 11am.

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Ragavan comes out of the toilet. He washes his face in the wash-basin, opens the washroom & comes out into the office. He walks towards his place & the intercom buzzes. He picks it up & listens. His MD is on the other end. Mr.Kothari says that the auditing team has arrived at the office & asks Ragavan to hand-over all the files to them & co-operate with them. Ragavan says ‘OK Sir’ very respectfully & keeps the receiver down.




Scene 11.

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Office.

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One person from the audit team approaches Ragavan & asks for the files / other documents. Ragavan gives the closet keys to him & asks him to help himself. The person opens the closet & starts to take all the files / documents outside.

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The intercom buzzes again & Kothari asks Ragavan to come to his cabin.

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Scene 12.
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Office. MD room.
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Ragavan enters the room & he finds his MD Kothari behind the table in his seat. Ranjani is sitting opposite to him & both of them are looking grim. Ragavan is asked to sit.

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Kothari just stares at Ragavan for a while & suddenly he lets out a broad smile. He extends his hand out to Ragavan to congratulate & Ragavan is confused. Kothari starts to talk – The entire episode of Ranjani’s scandal is a drama / setup. As Ranjani wanted to get transferred to Mumbai immediately, they were looking for a good prospect to replace her here at the Chennai office & Ranjani had referred Ragavan’s name. Before he gave Ragavan the responsibility, Mr.Kothari wanted to get totally convinced of his integrity/honesty. (Kothari apologises to Ragavan for suspecting him, but mentions that it is a standard procedure in this company right from its inception by his Grandfather during the early 20’s. He knows that this approach is quite unrefined, but mentions that this method has worked always for them. After all, Crores of rupees are at stake & one dishonest person with the sanctioning abilities can destroy everything, he says).
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Kothari mentions that Ragavan would be promoted as DGM & would get a house / car / allowance / pay hike etc.

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Ranjani is happy too & congratulates Ragavan. Ragavan is stunned & is speechless.

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The attender brings in the file, places it on the table & leaves. Kothari & Ranjani exchange smiles & Kothari tells Ragavan that the whole file is a manufactured one. He laughs about the entire process & jokes about it. He asks Ranjani if she remembers the plot that they had used on her before selecting her. She laughs & says ‘How can I forget?’. Mr.Kothari casually opens the file & start to browse, even while talking & laughing. He gets serious slowly, his expression changes & browses the file again. Ranjani looks at him in confusion & Kothari looks at Ragavan. Ragavan is sweating profusely & looking down now. THE PERSONAL ASSURANCE FORM IS MISSING.

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Ranjani takes the file & leafs thru it hurriedly. She asks Ragavan abt the missing document & he does not speak. Kothari is in a state of shock & he too asks Ragavan abt it. Ragavan is still not talking. As a background score, we let the toilet flushing sound play (He has flushed it. Infact we can even show a paper ball being flushed in the toilet, watched by Ragavan as an intercut scene OR just the flushing sound).

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All 3 characters are silent now. The camera zooms out to the side top angle very slowly & capture 3/4th of the room with 3 people in the middle, standing / sitting across the table. The file is in the middle of the table with papers flapping. There is just the whirring noise from the a/c in the entire scene. Fade out…..

/

2 comments:

  1. Harsha

    My first and honest opinion is that this script is boring
    and the first one had better pace and excitement. Thanks for trying again.

    Girish

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahaha. Infact, I had mentioned that I had learnt 2 important lessons during the course of writing this & its this -

    'The first screenplay is the most joyous'.

    'There is a difference between a story forming in your mind (getting a spark) & you trying to form a story (creating a spark)'. It shows.

    I was a lot apprehensive even while posting this version, but I thought that you have to write a lot of junk as well to know the difference. Iam absolutely happy abt my mentality, that I can find my own writing mediocre at times instead of trying to justify it.

    Nevertheless, Iam not entirely unhappy abt this story on the whole. BTW, how many people out there can write even this?

    ReplyDelete