Next life - Woody Allen

Just reading something about Woody Allen & came across some of his writings, of which I found the article 'Next life' to be quite thought provoking. Iam sharing it with you.

In my next life I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when
you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.
You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.
You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born.
And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila….
You finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case.

What an idea Sirji!

Unnai Pol Oruvan - but where?

Atlast after 2 weeks of its release, I was able to catch up with UPO. But the josh was definitely missing this time for me, as I had read almost 10 reviews of the film already & had also understood that the movie is a commercial success. Also, I had seen the mind-blowing ‘Wednesday’ a year back & was little skeptical about this entire remake business. Still, it’s a Kamal haasan film & nothing could deter me from watching it in the theater.
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Critics say that a comparing a remake with an original is a blunder & you have watch it without any preset notions. Infact that’s the mindset I had, while entering the movie hall & I wanted to enjoy UPO as an original film. But my mind failed me there completely. ‘Wednesday’ was so impressive that every scene / character still stays intact in my mind & it was utterly impossible for me not to compare UPO with it. So in that context, UPO failed to connect with me the way its original did. Well.. the film is good, no 2 ways about it. But there were far too many glitches & it was surprising as I expected Kamal’s team to eliminate even the minor problems in the hindi version. Instead they got bigger here.
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If you want to copy an important document, then a good photo-copying machine is a must. However great the machine be, there is always going to be some loss of quality where compared to the original & that’s universal. A copy can never be better than the original; it can come closest at the most (Jeyam Raja comes to mind instantly). But when you try to copy an amazing document in an untested machine, then you are asking for disappointment. That untested machine for me is the director of the film, Chakri Toleti. How many times have we seen Kamal Haasan doing this mistake of not picking the right technician? I was stupefied last time when Kamal went to Himesh Reshamaiya for ‘Dasavatharam’ music, as Rahman would have been the right choice & would have elevated the movie to a different level. K.S.Ravikumar is also a bad choice for ‘Dasa’ as he could never give any movie a glossy look, that is so important for a magnum opus like it.
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Take Mahanadhi / Anbe Sivam / KurudhiPunal / Guna & many others; all fantastic films but there was something missing which stops us from calling them as ‘Classics’. That something would have been there, if Kamal had not ghost directed these movies & had entrusted them in some able hands. Not that Kamal’s skill is inferior to any (Virumaandi is a fitting proof), but he tends to go overboard always. Subtleness is not his forte & it would have made a lot of difference to his career as actor / creator, if only he had acquired that particular expertise as well. Its not too late even now.
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Even in UPO, the subtleness of Naseeruddin shah in the original was far more inspiring than the fierceness displayed by Kamal. But when a simple title like ‘Wednesday’ is changed to an heroic ‘ Unnai pol oruvan’, you know what to expect. An unnecessary gun with him, Kamal teaching the bomb squad person abt diffusing bombs, complicated / way too intellectual dialogues are all uncalled for.
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Having said all these things, UPO is path-breaking & could be possible only for the Ulaganayagan. His guts / enthusiasm / fire to do something different everytime is unparalleled in south Indian film history & it shows with his every move. Let me safely conclude by saying that UPO is a fantastic film, if you had not seen ‘Wednesday’ already.
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Ayudha Puja ! Howzzat...

Ayudha Puja. One of the few meaningful festivals that I feel should be celebrated whole-heartedly. It’s a thanks giving day for all machineries / objects that has made our life comfortable & which have been the source of income for us. Iam quite fond of this festival & we celebrated it quite well at our office this year (as always). Gifts, Sweets, Fruits, Flowers, Decorations, Snacks, Group photographs, the entire office was lively thru’ out the second half of the day. Everyone had a good time & left with a happy frame of mind.
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Do any other communities in the world dedicate a day to say ‘Thanks’ to machineries / utilities? I don’t think so. Maybe the greek does.. The wisdom of our ancient sages is mind-boggling & it’s a pity that not many efforts are being made to learn or decipher other hidden treasures of our ancestors, in terms of knowledge. I have always felt that our culture has not got its due credit, due to poor marketing & more so due to poor funding by the govt. Yes! Our archaeological dept is literally non-existent & even if it is burrowing some holes at some parts of our country, one such department is not enough to dig out our history & decipher the invaluable information hidden with it.
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Have we ever come across a marvel like ‘Thirukural’ in any language in the world? Is it possible for anyone to even attempt something like that? But why is it not popular or even known outside Tamilnadu? Iam sure that this book alone can get us all enormous face value, if it becomes well known.
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How about our temples & other monuments? Is there any equivalent for them in terms of architecture & artistry all across? It is unthinkable how those guys were able to raise such huge structures without any technological support. But do we realize their value?
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How about astrology / palmistry / vaastu / Naadi joshyam? Whatever they believe in the west like the Tarot / Sun signs are all stupid. Ours is not fool proof either, but is much superior. Dont believe me? Ask Cheiro or Linda Goodman themselves..
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How abt the great philosophies that we have donated to the world? How abt meditation & the yoga? How abt Maths? How abt astronomy? How abt medicines without side-effects? How abt trading? How abt kindness? How abt family bonding?
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By the way, where am I going? I started with something in mind & have reached somewhere else now. That’s lack of aim & focus. Anyway, since it has come to this, let me say that we have not done enough to understand the worldly wisdom that’s beneath us. We are allowing it to rot off; the treasures that can save this degenerating earth & bring some sense back to the mankind.
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So, be proud that you were born in this holy land & do not compromise on your culture / values, wherever you are.
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Happy Ayudha puja & Vijaya dasami.!
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Some block & a stop-gap arrangement

I have been going thru a terrible thing called writers(!!) block & am not able to write anything cohesively. Maybe Iam lacking the concentration or should have lost the interest (hope its just a temporary thing). Infact, I had started to write abt a couple of things, but just could not phrase more than few sentences. Lets see how long it lasts.
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So, I have decided to write out some simple things till I get my skill (or whatever it is) back.
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Heard that “Unnai pol oruvan” is rocking & am seeing the accolades pouring from all quarters for the entire team. Its been 10 days since it has released & I have not seen it yet. Kind of first time for me, that I have not seen a Kamal Haasan film for such a long time since its release. Has this got anything to do with my marriage? My busy schedule? My reducing admiration for Kamal Hassan? Don’t know the real reason. But would definitely be watching it by next week.
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The last movie that we saw was ‘Kanthasamy’, one of the lousiest film that I have seen off-late. It’s a pure waste of time / money & in all the departments the movie sucked big time. I liked Shriya though, the only consolation in that insufferable film.
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I have become a big addict of tv recently, especially the English movie channels & the sitcoms. Iam waking up early everyday to catch a movie & have been watching another film during the nights. In between I watch sitcoms like ‘Friends’, ‘Seinfeld’, ’How I met your mother’ & a lot others. To be honest, Iam not watching them for the fun part or to pass time, but Iam observing them; its almost like an exercise to me now to build my abilities in that direction. Iam trying to gather as much of knowledge as possible within the limited means that I have. Maybe I should start to write abt the movies / sitcoms that I see, so that the screenplay gets registered in my mind atleast. Lets see.
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But my new schedule has not gone down well with my wife & she is visibly unhappy. She expresses it often, but she understands the passion I have for that profession. She may not be all that encouraging when it comes to this particular dream of mine, but she would not stand in the way. Mainly because she knows that she cannot stop me from chasing my dreams & also because she wants me to be happy.
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Protecting my dreams & going after them are the most important things for me & that’s what has kept me going all thru the terrible phase & even now.
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Is anyone listening?

Have you ever been captured by monsters? Have you ever been put in a prison for no fault of yours? If no, then you will never be able to understand my feelings. Not just my feelings, hundreds of others like me as well. But still I will tell you my experience, but I don’t expect much sympathy from you. The reason? You will know finally.
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We live in a filthy place packed with different creatures of different kinds & filled with filth, of course. But we get accustomed to the way of life here & infact start to enjoy it after a while. By the way, it’s not just us people who live here, but it’s swarmed with many monstrous creatures. These monsters are literally monstrous in size, about 20-30 times the size of us & exerted complete power over us. These monsters were kind of supreme authorities & we have to obey their orders or face dire consequences. But they never did us any real harm & were quite friendly with us. We were co-existing peacefully & we were having a lot of fun going about our business.
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But I understood that alls not well with our lives, when I lost my mother suddenly one day. Lost in the sense, she vanished just like that one fine day. So is the case with my aunty, niece etc & we were completely bewildered with such vanishing acts. Where did they go? When will they come back? No one knows. Another weird thing is that we keep losing only the women from the group, while the men are left untouched. But despite all these concerns, I was living happily only. But everything changed within a few minutes one day, when the monsters decided to capture us & end our freedom. Then we were transported to some other place in a lousy vehicle & were locked inside a prison. If it was a shock to become a captive suddenly, then it was totally unbearable to be put in a prison with hundreds of others. And they had locked us all in such a tiny space with a terrible odour. I didn’t see any of my friends though; maybe they have been taken to a different prison.
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We were brought here to this place on a dark night & it’s almost 2 days now that we are in this prison. We see different monsters at different times thru the holes in the prison, but they are not doing anything to us. They are giving us decent food & water, but nobody here has the heart to eat well. With our legs tied together, we were not able to move much & the feet became numb after the first day itself. I did not understand why our legs were tied as we were inside a secured prison anyway. I tried to communicate with a few guys around me, but no one is in the mood to talk. They were all constantly shouting for help, crying & begging for mercy.
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I was also in a state of shock & did not like to talk to anyone much. But I was not making much noise, it is against my character, you see. I spotted a wise guy on the 2nd day & tried to chat with him. He was not talking much, but he mentioned something like death, end of life etc. I did not believe him, as it would serve no purpose for the monsters to kill us. They were friendly guys & we were contributing to their life in a small possible way. Why would they kill us? This is some kind of a game for them. I tried to convince myself, but the sudden disappearance of my mom, aunty etc kept coming to my mind.
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On the 3rd day morning, we came to understand our destiny. There was a lot of activity around us & we were just watching the monsters from inside the prison. We had lost most of our energy & had almost surrendered to our fate. After a while, the prison door opened from the top & a monster leaned into it trying to capture us with his enormous hands. Every one of us screamed & ran for cover, but with such little space we could not do much. The monster caught a girl nearby his hand & that poor girl almost died of heart-attack instantly. Her scream was so piercing that I could not hear much for the next 5 seconds. The monster left with the poor girl, but came back again without her. He repeated the exercise & caught another fat lady, who also yelped loudly. The process was repeated continuously for about 7-8 times & I noticed an intriguing thing during this practice. The monster was interested only in the fat & healthy ones, while he rejected many of the frail looking ones. I don’t know why, but this exercise kind of disturbed me.
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Now as we were all continuously shouting & pleading, the hand came inside the prison again. As I was running to another corner of the prison, it caught me by my neck. Yes! I ran out of luck & got caught at last. I did not want to shout like others, but the pain of his hard grip on my neck was too much to remain silent. I yelled & tried to free myself, kicking & struggling. But his grip was too hard & I could not do much. He carried me inside a big room & threw me in a dirty corner. I fell on a sack pile & it took me a while to understand the surroundings. While I did finally, it turned out to be the most shocking moment of my life.
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There was blood all around & the body parts of my fellow people were scattered everywhere. Hands on a side, legs in a corner, few chopped heads with the girls’ eyes wide open & staring ahead. I could not even shout & I understood the gross reality. They are murdering us mercilessly. Not just killing us, but are dismembering us & peeling our skin off us. The wise guy was right at last. But why? What have we done to them? I don’t understand it. We obeyed them all through our lives & gave them a lot. We were not protesting or plotting anything against them & for that matter, we were no match to their size & strength. So, why should they kill us?
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I wondered aloud, while the monster leans down to pick me up again. Here I go... Good bye earth... Thanks for feeding me for the last 2 months or so… Hope I would be joining my mom, aunt & niece. My last wish would be to die quickly without much suffering, I pray silently. The monster holds me upside down in one hand & picks up a big sharp object in his other hand. I close my eyes & think about my life so far. It is not much to write about & it’s been a very ordinary life. But what more can one expect from the life of a tame hen like me? Is it hen or should we call ourselves chicken? I don’t know. The monster is still holding me in his hand & is seen to be chanting some kind of words again & again. Why would he do that? I don’t understand.
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But I find it funny now, that these monsters call themselves ‘human-beings’ & label us as ‘animals’. What a joke? Whatever, it is just …… Something sharp touched my neck then & I felt an excruciating pain immediately all over my body. It was my last minute wish that I get killed without much suffering, but our God failed us there too. The monster did not slit my throat cleanly & so I did not die for a long time. I was bleeding profusely & my body was convulsing incessantly. The pain was too much to bear, but I could not shout anymore. Slowly & very slowly my body stopped its struggle, things started to fade off & then I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing…

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My script - Version 1.5

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This is actually the second version of the story, which I had written on the 5th day of the workshop. Anjum liked this too, but he mentioned that the 1st script was much better.

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Manipulation

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Characters

· Ragavan – 45 yr old person, working in a private finance company as Accts manager – Family man with a fat / uninteresting wife, 2 sons in college, Honest, pious, Hard working, but has one weakness: porn magazines – He is sexually deprived & these magazines keeps him going – He buys them from a road side vendor secretly & reads them after dinner in the pretext of working officially or reading something else.

· Ranjani – 40 yr old attractive woman, working in the same company as GM(finance) – Divorcee with no children – Lives alone – Good mannered, Strict & well dressed decent lady.

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Situation

Ranjani has offered a loan to her family friend(a big amount) with a personal guarantee, but the guy vanishes after taking the loan. Only Ragavan knows abt the personal assurance of her & he has that particular file. An external audit team is visiting the company in 2 days & Ranjani wants that Guarantee form to be removed from the file, so that it would look like another default case.

Stake

She is expecting a promotion & a transfer to Mumbai, her beloved city. This scam might spoil everything, including her career.



Scene 1

Office. Day. 5pm

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Ranjani summons Ragavan into her room & reprimands him for doing some mistake in his job. He tries to defend himself & Ranjani gets upset. She takes a file from the drawer, tosses it on the table & asks Ragavan to open it. Ragavan hesitantly opens it to find a ‘porn book’ in between the sheets. It is his book & by mistake he had delivered the file without removing it, it seems. He is shocked, tries to accuse the attender, but Ranjani knows for sure. She throws the book in the dustbin & warns Ragavan severely.

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Ragavan comes out of Ranjani’s cabin cursing her. He wonders aloud abt the file reaching Ranjani without his knowledge & blames his absent-mindedness for that. He is ashamed & leaves for the day.

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Scene 2.

Ragavan’s house. Night. 8.30pm

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Dinner. Entire family present. His sons are talking about the current cricket team etc, but Ragavan is not listening. He is still thinking abt the incident at the office. His wife is amused with his lack of concentration.

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Scene 3.

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Ragavan’s bedroom. Night. 10pm

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His wife is sleeping in the bed, while Ragavan slowly gets up, take the porn books from the bag, keep it inside a file, sits in a chair away from the sleeping wife & starts to read. His face is a myriad of expressions - pleasure, pain, anguish, relief etc. He looks longingly at some of the pictures of models dressed in flimsy clothes.

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Scene 4.

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Office. Day. 11am

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Ragavan is summoned into Ranjani’s room & this time she looks ill & worried. She slowly brings out the subject (loan, her personal guarantee etc) & the external auditing. She wants Ragavan to help her by removing her guarantee form from the file. Ragavan refuses. She pleads & begs & tells him that she will do anything for him to do that. He stares at her for a while & asks “anything?”. She nods helplessly. He grins slowly & tells her that he will get back to her shortly. He leaves the room & she looks beaten.

Scene 5.

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Office.11.30am
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Ragavan in his seat. Checks on that particular file. Sees the assurance form, smiles, puts it back in the locker, locks it & pockets the key. Thinking abt the issue & the various possible outcomes. He is certainly aroused now & wants to use this opportunity. He is scared but still formulates a plan. He gets up. Sits down. Dilemma. Finally he makes up his mind, gets up & walks into her room.

Scene 6.

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Office. 12 noon
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Ragavan is very uncomfortable. But gradually tells her the favour that he wants. He wants a sexual favour. She is shocked. He tries to justify. Talks abt his wife, the sexual deprivation etc. She asks him to leave the room. He looks defeated & leaves the room.



Scene 7.

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Office. Ragavan’s seat. 3pm
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He is squirming in his seat. He is sweating. Keeps looking at Ranjani’s room door. Gulps down water. Totally uneasy. He tries to get up, when the intercom buzzes. He picks up.

Scene 8.

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Office. Ranjani’s room. 3.15pm

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Ragavan enters slowly. He looks a mess himself. Ranjani looks a lot composed now. He was abt to open his mouth to apologise, when she speaks “Where & When?”. He is shocked. Realises her decision & is Jubilant. She is expressionless, stone faced. She asks him for assurance abt the file & he promises to remove the form the next day morning first thing. The auditing is in 2 days & she wants things to be done asap. They agree to meet at her house (she lives alone) by 7pm that same day itself & he can leave by 9pm after finishing his business. She pleads him to maintain secrecy, admonishes him for his ruthless demand. He is remorse yet happy. He just could not believe his luck.

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Scene 9.

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Office. Ragavan’s place. 4pm.

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He is ecstatic. He cannot believe his luck. He takes permission & leaves the office early by 4pm.

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Scene 10.

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Ragavan’s house. 6pm.
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Ragavan is standing in front of the mirror combing his hair. He is wearing a nice T-shirt & is clean shaven & fresh. When his grand-son enquires about this, Ragavan says that he is going to a function in a colleague’s house. His wife is lying on the bed. She is not well & has fever/head-ache. Ragavan asks her to take rest & she nods with her eyes closed. He looks at her face, hesitates momentarily, but leaves eventually.

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Scene 11.

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Ranjani’s house. 7pm.
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Ragavan rings the bell. Ranjani opens & he enters. He is a little shy & uncomfortable. She is still expressionless. He sits in the couch, asks her for water. He is visibly nervous. She looks indifferent, but not angry anymore. He stands up hesitantly & she leads him to her bedroom. The door closes behind them.

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Scene 12.

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Ranjani’s house. 9pm.
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The bedroom door opens. Ragavan comes out of it slowly. He looks a little ruffled. He pauses by the door, looks back, hesitates & leaves the house.

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Scene 13.

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Ragavan’s house. 9pm
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Ragavan comes out of the bathroom after taking a bath. His wife brings a glass of milk to him. She looks very tired. She walks past him slowly & lies on the bed. She coughs mildly, covers herself with a blanket & turns away from him. He sits on the bed looking straight ahead without any expression.(He is guilty). He closes his eyes slowly & immediately hears a slap sound. He opens his eyes in shock.


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Scene 14.

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Next day. Office. 10.00am.
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Ragavan comes to his seat & sits down. He is quite dull. He settles down, opens the draw, searches for that particular file & finds it missing. He is shocked & tries to search more carefully. His colleague Raju approaches him & enquires abt his restlessness. Ragavan tells him abt the missing file, for which Raju remarks that Ranjani could have taken it with her when she was found searching something in Ragavan’s closet the previous day. When Ragavan says that the key is with him, Raju chuckles & mentions that Ranjani has a bunch of duplicate keys for all the lockers in the finance department. Ragavan is surprised & he expresses doubt abt it. Raju continues by saying that even during the previous week, when Ragavan was absent on a day, Ranjani had opened his draw to refer to an important file. Infact he mentions that she took off some file away with her.

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Ragavan realizes that she could had taken the file with the porn book all by herself. Ragavan is completely shocked. He could not digest the news. He gets up slowly & walks towards the washroom.

Scene 16.

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Office. Washroom.
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Ragavan is standing in front of the washbasin mirror & is staring at it. He bents down to splash water from the tap onto his face. As he wipes his face with hand-kerchief, he notices something at the corner near the wash basin. A spider spinning a web meticulously.

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He stares at it for a while. Turns back slowly, walks out of the washroom. The door closes…

My script - version 2

I just wanted to try the same premise from a different angle, having takem my friend Girish's suggestion into consideration. I changed the characterisations slightly & treated the screenplay differently. In the process, I learnt 2 important lessons abt script-writing (which I will share later after seeing a feedback).

The new version of my story goes like this -

(Yet to be titled)

Main characters

· Ragavan – 52 yr old person, working in a private finance company as Accts manager – Very hard working, loyal, sincere, honest etc – Family man with an ailing wife, 1 daughter who was recently married to a U.S based s/w engineer, 1 son – who has scored very poor marks in his +2 board exams.

· Ranjani – 40 yr old attractive woman, working in the same company as GM(finance) – Divorcee with no children (or) maybe she has a family in Mumbai– Lives alone – Good mannered, Strict & well dressed decent lady.

Situation
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Ranjani has offered a loan to her family friend(a big amount) with a personal guarantee, but the guy vanishes after taking the loan. Only Ragavan knows abt the personal assurance of her & he has that particular file. An external audit team / M.D are visiting the company in 2 days & Ranjani wants that Guarantee form to be removed from the file, so that it would look like another default case.

Stake

Ranjani - She is expecting a promotion & a transfer to Mumbai, her beloved city. This scam might spoil everything, including her career.

Ragavan – His son’s desired education.



Scene 1

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Ragavan’s house. 7am.

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Ragavan is completing his puja (Gayathri jabam), a daily ritual. His wife hints about their son Vishnu’s desire to go to engineering college. Ragavan sneers at her, accuses his son for his poor results & wants him to forget all those desires. His wife talks about payment quota & he gets even angrier. He points out that they went overboard recently to get their daughter married to a U.S guy. Apart from the bypass surgery expenses (for his wife), so much of unpaid loans, his ineligibility to acquire new loans, his less salary etc. His wife keeps quite. Their son Vishnu is lying on the bed & listening to it all with teary eyes.
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Scene 2
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Office. Day. 11am

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Ranjani summons Ragavan into her room & reminds him about their MD Mr.Kothari’s visit & the external audit. While talking abt the formalities, she brings the case of her personal assurance (looks like, she had already discussed this with him earlier itself). Ragavan doesn’t budge. He says he cannot become her accomplice in this scandal & requests her to face the consequences. She pleads him, but he is unrelenting.
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As a last resort, she mentions that she had come across his loan application by chance & she states that he do not have a slightest chance of getting it sanctioned, as he had already taken a lot of loans earlier. But she is willing to help him by recommending it & getting it done for him, all for a small favour from him. He looks into her eyes, nods his head in negative & leaves the room.

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Scene 3

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Ragavan’s house. Dinner table. 8pm.

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All 3 of them are having their dinner. There is a strained silence in the room. Their son Vishnu slowly mentions that his close friend’s father has paid 5 lacs to a pvt engineering college & has got a seat for his friend. He looks at his father with pleading eyes. Ragavan continues to munch without responding. After a while, he asks Vishnu if he had submitted the application for the B.Sc maths seat in Vivekananda College. Vishnu gets up from the table without eating & leaves. His wife looks down & Ragavan continues to eat.

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Scene 4.

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Office. 3pm. Ranjani’s room.

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Ranjani & Ragavan are discussing abt the audit & she brings out her point again. Ragavan is stubborn. Ranjani asks him if he is expecting any other favours from her & looks at him inquisitively. He glares at her & says that he has immense respect for her & warns her not to provoke him any further. She looks defeated, apologises & pleads him again. He gets up & leaves her room.

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Scene 5.

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Office. Ragavan’s place.

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Ragavan opens his closet & takes out the file. He looks at her personal assurance form, stares at it for a while & puts the file back in there. His colleague comes near him & tries to chat with him, some other office gossip. Ragavan is not interested, continues with his work.

Scene 6.

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Ragavan’s house. Night. 9pm

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He enters the house from office & explains to his wife that due to the next day’s auditing, there was a lot of work at office. His wife tells him that their son had not eaten from yesterday & is refusing to come out of his room. Ragavan says that Fasting is good for health & goes into his room.

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Scene 7.

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Ragavan’s bedroom. 10pm.

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Ragavan is flipping thru a magazine, lying on his bed. His wife enters the room & he enquires if Vishnu had eaten anything. She nods her head saying ‘no’. He looks unperturbed & continues with the magazine. His mobile rings & it shows ‘Ranjani Madam’ in its display. He picks it, listens to it for a while & says calmly ‘ Please don’t try to cover a mistake with another’. Then without continuing, he says ‘Good night’ & cuts the line. His wife is watching him with confusion.

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Scene 8.

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Ragavan’s house. Morning. 7am.

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Ragavan is doing his puja. (the puja room is a part of the kitchen). His wife brings his mobile & calls/disturbs him hesitantly. He looks at her angrily & she informs that it has been ringing for more than 15 minutes & she felt that it could be important. He takes the phone from her angrily. It is Ranjani on the other end. She apologises first for the early morning call & then informs him that she had withdrawn all her personal savings of Rs.3.5 lacs the previous day & would be bringing it to the office. All he had to do was to destroy the paper & she would give the money to him, either as a gift or as a loan according to his wish. She pleads him again & requests him not to let her & her career down. She cuts the line.

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Ragavan keeps the mobile down & tries to continue with the jabam. But he stutters & the flow is not there. His wife glances sideways to acknowledge his lack of concentration.

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Scene 9.

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Ragavan’s house. 8.30am

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Ragavan is about to leave. He enquires about Vishnu & his wife says that he has already left. She says that Vishnu has gone to a new/unknown Engineering college in the outskirts, which could be offering the seats for a very cheap price. He wanted to enquire & if the payment is high there too, then he would be going to Vivekanada college from there directly to submit his application. Ragavan takes his bag & leaves.

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Scene 10.

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Office. 11am.

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Ragavan comes out of the toilet. He washes his face in the wash-basin, opens the washroom & comes out into the office. He walks towards his place & the intercom buzzes. He picks it up & listens. His MD is on the other end. Mr.Kothari says that the auditing team has arrived at the office & asks Ragavan to hand-over all the files to them & co-operate with them. Ragavan says ‘OK Sir’ very respectfully & keeps the receiver down.

Scene 11.

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Office.

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One person from the audit team approaches Ragavan & asks for the files / other documents. Ragavan gives the closet keys to him & asks him to help himself. The person opens the closet & starts to take all the files / documents outside.

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The intercom buzzes again & Kothari asks Ragavan to come to his cabin.

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Scene 12.
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Office. MD room.
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Ragavan enters the room & he finds his MD Kothari behind the table in his seat. Ranjani is sitting opposite to him & both of them are looking grim. Ragavan is asked to sit.

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Kothari just stares at Ragavan for a while & suddenly he lets out a broad smile. He extends his hand out to Ragavan to congratulate & Ragavan is confused. Kothari starts to talk – The entire episode of Ranjani’s scandal is a drama / setup. As Ranjani wanted to get transferred to Mumbai immediately, they were looking for a good prospect to replace her here at the Chennai office & Ranjani had referred Ragavan’s name. Before he gave Ragavan the responsibility, Mr.Kothari wanted to get totally convinced of his integrity/honesty. (Kothari apologises to Ragavan for suspecting him, but mentions that it is a standard procedure in this company right from its inception by his Grandfather during the early 20’s. He knows that this approach is quite unrefined, but mentions that this method has worked always for them. After all, Crores of rupees are at stake & one dishonest person with the sanctioning abilities can destroy everything, he says).
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Kothari mentions that Ragavan would be promoted as DGM & would get a house / car / allowance / pay hike etc.

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Ranjani is happy too & congratulates Ragavan. Ragavan is stunned & is speechless.

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The attender brings in the file, places it on the table & leaves. Kothari & Ranjani exchange smiles & Kothari tells Ragavan that the whole file is a manufactured one. He laughs about the entire process & jokes about it. He asks Ranjani if she remembers the plot that they had used on her before selecting her. She laughs & says ‘How can I forget?’. Mr.Kothari casually opens the file & start to browse, even while talking & laughing. He gets serious slowly, his expression changes & browses the file again. Ranjani looks at him in confusion & Kothari looks at Ragavan. Ragavan is sweating profusely & looking down now. THE PERSONAL ASSURANCE FORM IS MISSING.

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Ranjani takes the file & leafs thru it hurriedly. She asks Ragavan abt the missing document & he does not speak. Kothari is in a state of shock & he too asks Ragavan abt it. Ragavan is still not talking. As a background score, we let the toilet flushing sound play (He has flushed it. Infact we can even show a paper ball being flushed in the toilet, watched by Ragavan as an intercut scene OR just the flushing sound).

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All 3 characters are silent now. The camera zooms out to the side top angle very slowly & capture 3/4th of the room with 3 people in the middle, standing / sitting across the table. The file is in the middle of the table with papers flapping. There is just the whirring noise from the a/c in the entire scene. Fade out…..

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My Script - Kamalhaasan screnwriting workshop

This is the script that I had given to Anjum on the 3rd day of the workshop & he liked it. Remember the premise was discussed the previous day by Mr.Hariharan & it was like this " an elderly person working under a young lady boss catches her red-handed for doing some malpractice in the job ". Thats it & nothing else. There are various possibilities for developing a script / characterisations based on this premise & I chose this.

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It will be a little raw & might lack finesse, but remember that I conceived it & typed it within 7-8 hours straight. Your feedback is welcome.

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So near, Yet…..

Characters

· Ragavan – 58 yr old person, working in a private finance company as Accts manager - About to retire in 2 weeks – Family man with a fat / uninteresting wife, 2 sons, 2 daughter-in-laws & a couple of Grand children - Honest, pious, Hard working, but has one weakness: porn magazines – He is sexually deprived & these magazines keeps him going – He buys them from a road side vendor secretly & reads them after dinner in the pretext of working officially or reading something else.

· Ranjani – 40 yr old attractive woman, working in the same company as GM(finance) – Divorcee with no children – Lives alone – Good mannered, Strict & well dressed decent lady.

Situation

Ranjani has offered a loan to her family friend(a big amount) with a personal guarantee, but the guy vanishes after taking the loan. Only Ragavan knows abt the personal assurance of her & he has that particular file. An external audit team is visiting the company in 2 days & Ranjani wants that Guarantee form to be removed from the file, so that it would look like another default case.

Stake

She is expecting a promotion & a transfer to Mumbai, her beloved city. This scam might spoil everything, including her career.

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Scene 1
Office. Day. 5pm

Ranjani summons Ragavan into her room & reprimands him for doing some mistake in his job. He comes out cursing her & leaves for the day.

Scene 2
Roadside. A book vendor shop. Evening. 7pm.

Ragavan is glancing at various magazines & from the corner of his eyes scans all the porn magazines kept in the side. There are people around him buying magazines & at that time when no one is there in the shop, he picks a couple of those books, stuffs inside the bag, pays & rushes off.

Scene 3.
Ragavan’s house. Night. 8.30pm

Dinner. Entire family present. They chat abt his retirement day, which is 2 weeks away & abt his after retirement life. His sons & d-i-l’s are hinting at the retirement money, but ragavan does not talk abt it.

Scene 4.
Ragavan’s bedroom. Night. 10pm

His wife is sleeping in the bed, while Ragavan slowly gets up, take the books from the bag, keep it inside a file, sits in a chair away from the sleeping wife & starts to read. His face is a myriad of expressions - pleasure, pain, anguish, relief etc. He looks longingly at some of the pictures of models dressed in flimsy clothes.

Scene 5.
Office. Day. 11am

Ragavan is summoned into Ranjani’s room & this time she looks ill & worried. She slowly brings out the subject (loan, her personal guarantee etc) & the external auditing. She wants Ragavan to help her by removing her guarantee form from the file. Ragavan refuses. She pleads & begs & tells him that she will do anything for him to do that. He stares at her for a while & asks “anything?”. She nods helplessly. He grins slowly & tells her that he will get back to her shortly. He leaves the room & she looks beaten.

Scene 6.
Office.11.30am

Ragavan in his seat. Checks on that particular file. Sees the assurance form, smiles, puts it back in the locker, locks it & pockets the key. Thinking abt the issue & the various possible outcomes. He is certainly aroused now & wants to use this opportunity. He is scared but still formulates a plan. He gets up. Sits down. Dilemma. Finally he makes up his mind, gets up & walks into her room.

Scene 7.
Office. 12 noon

Ragavan is very uncomfortable. But gradually tells her the favour that he wants. He wants a sexual favour. She is shocked. He tries to justify. Talks abt his wife, the sexual deprivation etc. She asks him to leave the room. He looks defeated & leaves the room.

Scene 8.
Office. Ragavan’s seat. 3pm

He is squirming in his seat. He is sweating. Keeps looking at Ranjani’s room door. Gulps down water. Totally uneasy. He tries to get up, when the intercom buzzes. He picks up.

Scene 9.
Office. Ranjani’s room. 3.15pm

Ragavan enters slowly. He looks a mess himself. Ranjani looks a lot composed now. He was abt to open his mouth to aplogise, when she speaks “Where & When?”. He is shocked. Realises her decision & is Jubilant. She is expressionless, stone faced. She asks him for assurance abt the file & he promises to remove the form the next day morning first thing. The auditing is in 2 days & she wants things to be done asap. They agree to meet at her house (she lives alone) by 7pm that same day itself & he can leave by 9pm after finishing his business. She pleads him to maintain secrecy, admonishes him for his ruthless demand. He is remorse yet happy. He just could not believe his luck.

Scene 10.
Office. Ragavan’s place. 4pm.

He is ecstatic. He cannot believe his luck. He calls his house to inform that due to auditing he will come late that night. He takes permission & leaves the office early by 4pm.

Scene 11.
Textile shop. 5pm

Ragavan is buying a flimsy nightie. He calls Ranjani & asks her abt her favourite colour. She is angry to know abt his purchase & slams the phone down. He smiles.

Scene 12.
Ranjani’s house. 7pm.

Ragavan rings the bell. Ranjani opens & he enters happily. He is a little shy, but nonetheless happy. She is still expressionless. He sits in the couch, asks her for a drink, asks her to sit besides him. She is angry & shouts. He smiles & gives her the parcel. She opens it to find the flimsy nightie & gets agitated. Refuses to wear it & asks him to finish things & leave immediately. He doesn’t budge, compels her, even threatens her. She relents, takes the cloth angrily & goes into a room.
She comes out wearing that.(we don’t show that, but just the door opening & Ragavan’s expressions). He is dumbfounded. He goes wild & could not control himself. He gets up slowly & walks towards her like a zombie. He goes near her & she is looking away, still expressionless. He smiles, then laughs, slowly lifts his hand to touch her. She closes her eyes.
Bam! A noise & Ragavan is in the floor catching his chest & convulsing. HEART ATTACK!

Scene 13.
Hospital. 11am.

Ragavan is lying with a lot of tubes attached, monitor, this & that. He is partially paralysed as well & his face is a little distorted, especially the mouth. He is unconscious. His wife is sitting near him with a sad face. Her mobile rings & she goes out of the room to talk. She explains to the person on the other end that Ragavan had gone to his boss’s house to handover some important file & he got a heart attack there suddenly. Heavy work load, pressure etc.

Scene 14.
Hospital room. Next day. 11am

Ragavan is awake, still with all those attachments. Ranjani enters. He looks at her with pleading eyes with a lot of guilt. She assures his wife abt his recovery, his insurance policy etc. As his wife gets another call in her mobile, she goes out.
Ragavan & Ranjani are alone in the room now. He avoids her eye contact. She comes near him & bends over near his face. Now he looks at her & with tears in his eyes, says “ Sorry” slowly with a distorted mouth. She hushes him & asks him to forget it. He asks her abt the audit & she says that it is over. He looks at her enquiringly & she says that she got rid of her assurance statement. He signals “how?” & she sits down in her chair with a sigh. She slowly lifts her head, looks at him & says “The auditor covered everything. He was quite young & he did not suffer a heart attack while doing so”.
Ragavan is shocked. His mouth opens in astonishment. His wife is about to enter. Now Ranjani gets up, comes near him & whispers in his ears “ But Ragavan, I wish it had been you, instead of the auditor. I had always liked you”. She turns & leaves. Ragavan is completely shocked.

Scene 15.
Hospital corridor. 11.30am.

There is a flurry of activity. Nurses running & Ragavan is brought out of his ward room in the stretcher & they push him along the corridor into the critical care room. Ragavan is still gasping with his mouth open & salivating profusely. His wife, sons & daughter-in-law’s are running behind the stretcher wondering aloud “What has gone wrong suddenly?”.
As the stretcher enters the critical care room, the door closes with his family crying outside. Ragavan is still gasping, the spikes in the monitor attached to his chest going berserk (up & down). The scene slowly fades off…

/

Kamal haasan's screen-writing workshop

Long time. I would not blame it on the lack of time, but my lack of interest & most importantly LAZINESS. But eventually I had to write a blog because something very important had happened in my life. YES! I attended a screen-writing workshop conducted by none other than the great Kamalhaasan. I had the opportunity to spend 6 days in the same auditorium with him & I was a part of a 250 member team, who got the chance to learn something wonderful.

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When I applied for this workshop, I only had a faint hope of making it thru' & I wrote the synopsis of "Salangai oli", my favourite film (the synopsis was the selection parameter along with your resume). There were close to 2000 applicants & I was fortunate enough to be selected among the 250 candidates. Even after getting selected, I was in a dilemma for almost a week, if I should attend or not because of my tight office schedule. I did make a decision of attending it after a lot of consideration & BOY! what a decision it turned out to be, atlast.

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It was an outstanding workshop conducted by Anjum Rajabali (Pune film institute), Hariharan (Chennai film institute) & Atul Tiwari(Mumbai script-writer). Kamal was there thru'out all the days & sessions. The workshop would begin by 9am & go on till 6pm everyday, after which an acclaimed international film would be screened in a different auditorium. Inbetween there would be a lunch break & 2 tea-breaks. There were people from all parts of India, people of all age groups & belonging to different industries. But there was only one language that we all spoke for the 6 days: the language of script-writing & films. It was amazing to see the kind of respect & admiration these people have of Kamalhaasan. He was almost like a Demi-God for most of them (including myself) & they were treating him like royalty.

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In the workshop, they covered diverse topics abt the art of screenplay writing & saw to that the session does not get boring by showing us a lot of visuals. Kamal would also talk abt his films & share his knowledge often. He was very down-to-earth (surprise!) & was easily accessible. He had tea with us in the same pantry & anyone can approach him & talk to him abt his films, beliefs etc. Infact I had a one-to-one session with him for 90 seconds inside an empty pantry & you could not even imagine my joy during those moments. Kamalhaasan looking at me (& me alone) & talking to me, answering my question(s) with a smile. It was like a dream. I asked him 2 questions - Why did you choose archaelogy as the profession for RAM in the movie Hey Ram, since it did not have any connection with the movie? - If you were to make the movie today, would you do it differently? He gave me some amazing answers, but truly speaking, I was not concentrating as I was in a state of trance. BTW, almost all the participants wanted to ask Kamal questions abt 2 movies only, Hey Ram & Anbe Sivam.

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One interesting thing happened on the 3rd day. While Mr.Hariharan was conducting a session, he took some situations as examples to explain the principles of characterisation & characteristics. While doing so, he gave us a situation like this - ' An elderly person working under a young lady boss catches her red-handed for doing some malpractise in the job ' . He went on to define abt characters, habits, traits etc , but my mind started to assess the situation & slowly a short story formed in there. I skipped the 6pm movie that day, came to office, typed the story in a screenplay format & took 2 copies(hard copy). I went home only by 11pm that night from office.

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Next day, I was waiting for the right opportunity to give my script to Anjum & Hariharan (I was scared to approach Kamal). I did find a suitable opportunity when they were alone & gave them the hardcopies. Anjum read it then & there itself and he was surprised that I came out with a script in such a short notice & that too he said was a decent script. (Hariharan never read it till the last day of the workshop). Infact Anjum approached Kamal with my script & they were seen discussing looking at my papers. I was watching it from a distance & I was perspiring profusely that Kamal might just take it & read it. But it never happened & Kamal just nodded his head and went on stage to announce that the next workshop would be an advanced one on screenplay writing & 30 students among us would be short-listed based on a short film script that we should be submitting. Till this moment, I do not know that if my script was the one that prompted the idea of short film screen plays (Now he has already announced it & has given all of us the topic "Chennai" to make a script on).

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I didnt leave it at that. The next day, I gave Anjum another hardcopy of the same story with a different ending. He, although, liked the first one only but nevertheless appreciated me. He did point out some flaws in my writing & my characterisations. Some of his points made sense & some didnt (to me), but I did not have time to discuss more abt it, personally.

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I made few friends there, I mingled with different groups & most of the times I just kept quiet & was only observing things. Few sessions were, ofcourse, boring but on the whole it was a great experience. I learnt few nuances abt film making & got exposed to some renowned film-makers & some fabulous international films. Abt screenplay writing, I found out a secret on the second day itself : ' SCREENPLAY WRITING CANNOT BE TAUGHT '. Its more of your common sense & your intellectual ideas transforming into intelligent scenes. These things cannot be taught, especially in 6 days. But we can learn them only by watching a lot of good films & reading a lot of good scripts. And thats exactly what I have started to do now.

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I also have to mention the professional manner in which the entire workshop was conducted. it was inside the IIT campus & the hall, food, service, co-ordination & everything made it look like an international business meet. Kudos to the IIT staff & Rajkamal team for this fantastic effort.

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The last day of the work-shop saw many celebrities like Shekar kapur, Rituporno, Shyamaprasad, Balachander, Balumahendra, Rakesh Ommehra, BharathBala, Ameer, Dharani, Balaji sakthivel, RadhaMohan, Sreeram Ragavan, a couple of American script writers, a French writer & many more (Kamal seems to be having amazing contacts all across the world & they too respect him just like the Indians). The final moments were very touching with Kamalhaasan asking us all to "prepare to bleed in order to take Indian cinema to the next level". Infact he mentioned that he has been bleeding for the last 20 yrs & is prepared to bleed the next few yrs also for the same purpose. Amazing guy. There was a thunderous applause at the end of the day, especially for Kamalhaasan as he had pulled off something unthinkable. What an initiative! As Balumahendra mentioned, even if 1 or 2 of us(participants) go on to make some path-breaking scripts, this workshop would have served its purpose.

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I can go on & on abt this experience,but most of the things I experienced there cannot be explained just like that. It takes time & better sense of writing to do so. I would always be treasuring these days in my heart & I sincerely hope that I go on to make full use of whatever little knowledge I gained during these fantastic 6 days. These are some memories which will stay with you always & you can talk abt them with people forever, till you die. Take a bow, Mr.KamalHaasan ! You are a real life hero.. Unlike many other fake ones....

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BTW, I would be posting the script I wrote in a couple of days. Dont worry guys, its a short story & you can read it within 5 minutes. Till then....

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The heat is on…..

Yes. The heat is on & its becoming quite unbearable. Iam not just talking abt the hot & humid summer in Chennai, but also the other steaming things.


Election heat

This, for me, is the most happening heat at this time. A farce that has to take place once in 5 years to prove our democracy to the world. I have completely stopped watching news channels nowadays, because I get angry just by looking at those faces of most of our politicians. The politicians who are trying their level best to stop India from taking giant steps in the International scene. These corrupt crocodiles ensure that their family make thousands of crores during their term at the office & do not even bother abt the smallest of the plights of aam junta. I seriously would not want to get more into this, as I may lose my temper completely & write something harsh, which I might regret later on.

Unfortunately we have shifted to a new house in T.nagar & we can neither vote here nor at our old area. Iam definitely guilty about wasting 4 crucial votes, because I had wanted to vote for the independent candidate Sarathbabu, the young ‘Foodking’ entrepreneur who is fast becoming a role-model for many youth. Iam sure he would lose even his deposit this time, but I would like to salute him for his courage to get into politics against the big sharks & to compete against them without any background. What I liked most abt him is that, he could have easily bought a seat with any party by paying them anywhere between 40lacs to 1crore (that’s the going rate in TN), which he definitely has, but he did not want their corrupt shadows on him. Way to go, Sarath.. Take a bow..! Would like to emulate him at some point in my life.

IPL heat

Althou it has lost its sheen & gloss of the first season, it still can attract a lot of viewership. I try to watch all the Chennai games & catch glimpses of others. Some games are real cool & some really hot. But one cannot disagree that it has caught the attention of majority of the public & the serial addicts are cursing the IPL tournament for spoiling their own entertainment. Iam sure the second half of the tournament would be more attractive as every game becomes crucial. This heat is slowly catching up & might reach its peak in the next few days.

Summer heat

Now, this is the real heat & it is brutal this time. The Sun God (not Mr.Kalanidhi Maran, but the real one) has decided against any mercy for people in India this year & he is scorching everything on surface. Its intolerable & terrible. Althou Iam confined in my office room with a/c on most of the time, there are few occasions where I had to go out & face the wrath of Mr.Sun. I feel really sorry for the sales executives & all the unskilled labourers working in the hot weather without any protection. There is absolutely no respite for them, as even the price of the summer-special cooling agent Mr.Watermelon has reached a real high this year due to short supply.

The next 2 months is going to be cruel & we will have to take extreme precautions to save ourselves from some heat related problems.

Recession heat

This is the only heat that is universal. This is the biggest of the heats & it has spoiled the lives/careers of many, so far. It has spoilt the mood of many more & it has spread its wings in almost all the sectors. Its more of the mental fear that’s causing havoc than the real recession itself, I feel. People associate everything with recession & make it look much more enormous than it actually is. Iam sure that India has not suffered much & it can come out of this pretty sooner than most of the other countries.

This is a good learning experience for me & that’s how people should look at it as well. The economy has corrected itself from the artificial hype & boom that was created around it. Infact it’s a lot better that it happened now, or if the economy had grown even further in the coming years, the recession then would have an even more dreadful impact.

Business heat (mine)

Personally speaking, this is the hottest. I have been banking heavily on this season. Its been almost a year since we started & we still have not reached the 'safe zone' yet. Lot of pressure from all sides & its highly imperative that I do not take such things quite seriously. I have decided to go out with all guns blazing this season & am trying as many marketing activities as possible. No point in holding things back, I feel. But ultimately if the external market do not support you, you could end up making more losses. It’s the name of the game & I trust my ancestors when they said “fortune favours the brave”.


So, the heats are on & instead of complaining, Iam trying to take only the positives from all of them. Lets enjoy the summer heat & worship the omnipotence of the SunGod. The recession has brought back some sanity to the stockmarket / economy. The IPL is surely a stress-buster for many like me. The elections have given work to many labourers & the poor gets a lot of money for their votes. Good for them.

Iam enjoying every bit of these various heats & eagerly waiting to see the results / recovery from them all. Hope everything ends well & brings cheer to most people.

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My blogging experience (so far)

Last week one of my friend had called me & while talking with him casually about various things, my blog was also discussed. He said quite sarcastically ‘Iam seeing that you have been writing some crap regularly. You have only 2 followers & one of them is your wife (chuckle). I don’t know how many could be reading it, but I can see that nobody bothers to even comment. This whole thing is so stupid; a complete waste of time blah blah‘. He was having a good time, making fun of me & my blog. More on that, later.

This entire concept called blogging had been bugging me for over 2 yrs. I had always wanted to get into it, but there was some mental block about the whole idea of blogging, which was stopping me from starting it. I didn’t know whether I had the ability to write a blog or if I would be able to write regularly for that matter. I didn’t want to start blogging just for the heck of it & then quit after finding it not suiting me. It is not my style.

Time for some bragging & let me cite an example to substantiate my last sentence (statement). While I was trying to get into films, I decided to learn stunts (against the interest of many well-wishers). The very first day of my training, I understood that I may not be able to go very far in stunt class. Because I have a shoulder dislocation problem & the fundamentals of the stunt class was to stand upside down for 2-3 minutes as a warm-up exercise everyday. I was literally struggling in my first class as my shoulders were shaking (while standing upside down) & I was terrified about getting another dislocation. My master ‘Powerfast’ Pandian told me that this vigorous training may not suit me, as a strong shoulder is the base for many stunts like cartwheel, somersault, flipflop etc. But I persisted & said that I will learn these things moderately & go on to learn kicking / punching / stick fight etc exhaustively. I did exactly that for the next 6 months & I made decent progress in all areas, although my shoulder was giving me slight problems now & then.

I stopped my stunt class after 6 months, when I realized that it might not get me anywhere & started to concentrate more on dance classes.

So, coming back to my friend’s call which I had mentioned in the 1st paragraph; When I started a blog, I knew exactly what Iam getting into. I knew that it is a long-term commitment & not a pastime affair. If at all, I had to break the commitment there has to be a good enough reason to do so. I was perfectly aware of the consequences. I was prepared to fail as a blogger. I was prepared to take criticism or indifference for writing something stupid.

But this whole experience of blogging has given me immense fulfillment. I have discovered another facet of myself, which I didn’t even think I possessed earlier. Iam happy about every post of mine, how much ever stupid it looks to others & Iam sure that I would cherish reading them all after 15-20 yrs. When I started with blogging, I was truly struggling with the flow & it used to take a long time for me to write a single blog. Nowadays it has become relatively easier, but ofcourse, I have become more casual now & my choice of words now is definitely not as effective as it was earlier. But I have come to understand that a blog has to be written that way only. It has to be colloquial.

About my blogging time, I come to office everyday by 7am in the morning & leave by 8pm. In between I would be going home for breakfast & lunch. Although Iam busy most of the time at office, I do get some free hours here & there. But I have not reached the level where I can write a blog at any time of my convenience. A lot of times, I would start to type a blog but had to give up, because the concentration & the flow would be lacking. So, I can write a blog only during a certain time in the day (when Iam totally relaxed) & Iam finding it absolutely difficult to blog regularly for that reason. That’s why this interval of 10-15 days between every blog; Otherwise I would love to write a blog everyday.

For that matter, I have been writing another blog ‘ One life – Million dreams ', which is like my personal diary & I have made it as private. I record my day to day experiences there & how I perceive different things all thru. That is more informal & I scribble everything that comes to my mind. I only spend 10 minutes in a day for it & I do it first thing in the morning.

So, on the whole blogging has been a fantastic experience & I intend to continue with it forever. Iam sure that one-day I will reach the level of writing interesting articles on an everyday basis & my quest will continue till then.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

All in our eyes

Life is so complicated; Job is very insecure; Health is not perfectly alright; Not earning enough to buy all that we want; Relatives do not help much; Everyday presents a new problem.

Would not these sentences suit most of our lives? But why is it so? What do you think? Its because we have not learnt to look at our so called problems from a different perspective. We do not know to differentiate between the ‘real’ worries & the ‘unwanted’ worries, that we can easily do without. When you get down to the root of many problems, you will understand that most of the sorrow arising out of them would have been self-imposed.

Long time back, I read a book about being positive (do not remember the name, but its not a famous one, say by Carnegie or Peale). The author would have stated that there are 2 types of problems – one which could be solved with persistent efforts by us & the other type just cannot be solved. The first kind of problem would raise concern with all & taking a little bit of pressure on yourself (only pressure, not worries) is perfectly alright in order to overcome them. For eg, if you lose a job or incur losses in business, you can always come out of it with determination & hard work. But the second kind of problem should not bother you much, as things are just not in your control & by no means can you solve them. For eg, if your car is drowned in a flood, you just cannot do anything, but just follow the procedure to try and reduce your losses. Absolutely no point in complaining about it & blaming the flood. It will only make you weaker & complicate things even further.

Personally speaking, complaining about anything for that matter is not my cup of tea. I take every experience as a lesson & I acquire great values out of them. Everything about life has a meaning & their true messages could be deciphered only at a later point, i.e, if you try. If we look at our problems from another perspective, most of them would appear to be silly. We get irritated about so many simple things in life & we take most of the happy moments for granted.

There is a fantastic dialogue from the movie “ Virumandi “ . Kamal hassan would say something to this effect “ சந்தோஷம்னா என்னங்கறது அத அனுபவிக்கும்போது யாருக்கும் தெரியறது இல்லை!".That is “A person doesn’t realize his happiness when he is actually undergoing it”. ( Roughly translated by a very poor translator). Doesn’t this summarise most of our lives?

I had actually written in one of my previous blog that ‘ Everyday is a gift’ & I would not mind mentioning it again & again. Its true that we cannot stop worrying about certain things in life, but what we can really do is to get over them asap. No sense in worrying about something that you do not have or something that is lost. The basic mistake everyone does here would be in making a comparison between people. “He has 2 houses”, “He lives in U.S “, “Her husband mints money “, “ He goes on a foreign trip quite often” etc etc. Too many comparisons & too many concerns. It’s a very basic human trait & eliminating it completely is just not possible, but atleast we can try to minimize it.

A classic example in my life for this would be my mother. She is a fantastic lady & I have inherited all my fighting spirits ONLY from her. But she still has not learnt the true meaning of happiness completely. She often complains that if I had been to U.S like my friends, I would also be having a lot of material possessions like them. Very true! But should not spending my life with parents under the same roof & taking care of them be considered million times better than living alone in a sophisticated country without them? Shouldn’t she be proud about her son trying to live life on his own terms & always attempting to fulfill his dreams unlike others? How many parents can have a gifted life of spending their old age with their children? Why do people not realize their happy moments & always worry about something that is not there & which may not even give them the same happiness as they think.

Iam definitely not blaming my mother as millions of others are living life that way only. Longing for something we don’t have & not giving importance to those finest things happening in our everyday life. Start cherishing your existing life & be grateful that you have got atleast this. Keep things simple in life & do not make it complicated with unwanted worries. As long as you & your dear ones are healthy, you have a career & going ahead in the right direction, don’t worry & stay happy. There is absolutely nothing you would achieve by fretting & worrying about things that are beyond you.

A lot of people would ask me the secret behind my positive attitude & happiness (despite my tough professional life). Its simple. I do not think about my worries for more than 5-10 minutes in a day. Everyday morning when I wake up, I tell myself that Iam very happy & am in the right track to success. While meditating, I only ask my mind to be peaceful & to radiate happiness thru’ out the day. Take my words – it does work to a large extent. I have had bad days & have lost my temper many times, but it helps to know that your mind could be gradually conditioned over a period of time.

So, be positive. Stay happy & spread happiness. Don’t compare. Keep things simple. Meditate. Most of your worries do not deserve to be called as ‘worries’. They are unwanted ones & unreal. Remember, its all in your eyes.! (Atlast, I justified the heading).

Paari

Do you want to experience happiness & gloom at the same time? Do you want to see an angel & a demon in the same form? Do you want to feel both satisfaction & dissatisfaction with your single decision? Do u want to feel stressed & de-stressed thinking about the same thing? If your answer is ‘yes’ to all these questions, then ………… buy a puppy.

I have been a dog-lover ever since childhood, but never had the opportunity to raise one, due to a lot of practical problems. Fortunately (or unfortunately) my wife turned out to be a dog enthusiast too & right from our marriage one of the most important topic that we talk about often would be that of raising a dog. We were aware of the negative implications in owning a dog & were not nursing any desire to buy a dog in the near future. Nevertheless, we were updating ourselves with different breeds, their behavior, temperament, friendliness etc constantly.

We browsed thru various sites & found that Labrador would suit us best, i.e, whenever we decide to buy one. Suddenly one day we came across the Boxer breed details & both of us were besotted by its look & temperament. We, infact, went to a breeder & saw some Boxer puppies, but did not have the courage to buy one. We were in touch with many breeders & constantly feeding ourselves with the latest information about different dogs.

One day, we saw a sale advertisement of Golden retriever puppies in free ads. We had heard a lot about Golden Retrievers, but had always thought that they may not suit an apartment lifestyle, as they have a lot of fur (heavy shedding would be there). Still, just out of curiosity, we decided to visit the breeder & see the puppies (We had never seen GR puppies before). We traveled almost 15 kms to meet the breeder & he took us to the puppy litter (9 of them). We saw them all & right at that moment the inevitable happened; we just fell in love with them. They were the most adorable creatures, looking like fur-balls & bouncing like tennis balls; fighting among them, trying to reach us & garner our attention. We liked them all but singled out a male puppy as our prospective pet. But still we were a little apprehensive & so left without committing anything to the breeder.

The whole day we spent in the internet reading about the Golden Retrievers. The more we read, the more we got convinced. They were the most popular breed in U.S for the last 10 years & their temperament has no parallels. For the next 24 hours, we were discussing the pros & cons of buying the puppy & we gradually got ourselves convinced about owning a dog. With a lot of encouragement from many reliable sources as well, we decided to buy the Golden Retriever puppy. All this without the knowledge of our parents, as they were a little wary about raising a dog. But we were confident that once the puppy comes home, he would be able to charm everyone & so we went ahead with our plan.

On a misty night, we traveled in our two-wheeler to a spot near parrys corner to buy the chosen puppy. Our puppy was waiting for us inside the breeder’s car & he was sound asleep. We paid the cash, got the puppy as well as a lot of advice from the seller & his accompanying friends. We were absolutely thrilled about buying our first puppy & we carried it home in a mid-sized carton box with a lot of holes in it for ventilation. Thus we treaded into an unfamiliar territory & we were both excited & nervous about our new venture.

My parents were totally shocked to see the puppy, but it was the puppy that seemed to be more upset than anybody. The new environment & the new people scared him & his body was literally shaking for one full day. My mother warmed up to the puppy first & it took a couple of days for my father to accept him. We named him ‘Paari’ after the famous Tamil king. The name has got us wide appreciation right from the vet to the kids in our block.

After the first few days, Paari became very comfortable with us. He, infact, became a little tsunami; wrecking havoc wherever he went. He was very mischievous & naughty to the point that I had to beat him (with a newspaper roll) often to control him. He was always hungry & can chew on anything. Our shoes, socks, belt, shirts, curtains, sofas, chairs, everything bore the brunt of Paari & he left his marks on almost all the items in the household. Monitoring him constantly & correcting him hundred times a day was taking the toll on all of us. Especially the toilet training aspect in a puppy is a torture (it still is). The whole house was his toilet & he would just excrete anywhere he wished. It took us a lot of time & energy to discipline him (to an extent). He kept us all on our toes thru’ out & it was like a nightmare for us during the initial few days.

However the biggest problem we faced with him was his biting. Right from day one, he was biting us & the breeder had cautioned us that he would be that way only for the first few months till his milk teeth are replaced with mature teeth. So we were prepared for it initially & were taking it easy. But with each day, his biting got sharper & few of his bites actually drew blood. I & my father had to vaccinate ourselves; although the vet had suggested that puppy bites are absolutely harmless. All our family members would be carrying his bite-marks & nail marks on their hands to this day.

It took almost 2 months for him to learn play-biting, i.e, soft biting. Still he behaves like a bully when he is charged up & his bounciness can cause some damage if you are careless. He has become more obedient now, although the mischief & playfulness are still a part of him. He still chews, still bites, still misbehaves; but everything has come to a bare minimum now. My wife & my father had played a big role in bringing up Paari so far & whatever he is today is mostly because of them.

Today at 105 days, he is just adorable. He is so good looking that he has so many fans inside our apartment & in our locality. When we take him out for walking, there are always few people waiting to meet him. His temperament is already remarkable & he gets along with people fabulously. He is a bundle of joy & playing with him for 10 minutes can really relax you. He is so funny & can make you laugh heartily with his various antics & gimmicks. He craves for our attention & always wants to please you with his various actions.

While naming Paari, my cousin was quite unhappy that we gave a dog the name of a great ruler, who is known for his generosity. But, who do you think deserves that name more than a dog, a creature that is so generous with its selfless love & boundless affection. Now, he is a part of our family & I cannot imagine our house without this guy. Going home has become more exciting for me nowadays, as you get to be greeted by a very warm chap, who treats you like a prince. He is very friendly with people & sometimes, his over-friendliness with strangers gets annoying for us - but that is Golden Retriever for you. It’s a poor watch dog, but an amazing family dog.

Having said all such things, Iam still a little skeptical & worried about raising Paari. Although he has learnt the basic manners & I have become more patient, yet I get to lose my temper with him sometimes. During such times, it takes a while for me to remember that he is still very much a puppy. Anyway, these are early days & we have a long way to go with him, but Iam absolutely confident that our Paari would be a wonderful companion to us for the next few years. Touch wood.

Collecting memories

Death is so intriguing. Its not just the fear of dying, but also the sorrow of losing everyone & everything including your precious life. Infact what is more disturbing about death is not dying itself, but the phase that takes you to the point (of no return). Very rarely does one die without suffering & most of the people get bed-ridden for atleast a week or so before passing away. The last few days where you would be bed-ridden & be in a different zone altogether is the scariest part about death. Death is a great leveler & it does not come that easily. It will make you so vulnerable & helpless, will sap off all your energy & would certainly see to it that you regret all your sins.

I have not seen anyone die, ie, not been there at the exact moment it happens. But I have seen many on their death-beds, who were about to die anytime. I had always wanted to know the feelings of a dying person. Would the feeling be eerie or sad or satisfaction or something else? How would he/she feel during the exact moment the death occurs? No one has a first hand experience to tell the world, I thought so. Until I read ‘Many lives, Many masters’. The book is actually more about the re-incarnation stuff but it also discusses death in detail. Its a vast subject, but the gist is this – When your time comes & while death is just few hours away from you, your subconscious mind would dig out all those treasured memories of your life & would play it for you. You would literally re-live those moments in the shortest possible time. Its almost like a action replay, but on a fast forward mode. And when you die, then you will see a bright light & your soul would leave your body & go towards it… blah blah blah (After-life is a big story & my topic is not that).

I cannot tell if I believed them all or not, but what fascinated me here & what could possibly be true is the fact that you would be seeing all those glorious moments of your life with closed eyes & without even trying to remember them. This, somehow, made sense to me, because I felt that it is the best passing gift a dying person can get from his life; to run thru all the significant moments before everything ends. I have seen my granny die of cancer & she was in coma during the last few days. In that time we had noticed her smile, wince, lift eye-brows, twitch & few other reactions. Maybe she could have been re-living her memories; now I realize.

I wanted to know more about those final moments. After-life (or is it after-death?) thing somehow didn’t appeal to me. The book or the google materials did not go in depth into the subject of Final moments. Everyone was more interested in after-life only; about the light thing, soul leaving the body, entering some other plane, staying there & struggling for some time, rebirth etc. Numerous topics on this, but very little on the memory recollection thing & the last moments.

So, I decided to imagine/visualise how it would be & what kind of memories one would recollect before his death? So, if iam to die tomorrow (I hope not), what kind of memories would go thru in my mind? I also assumed that all the memories need not be pleasant; you may also have to go thru your bitter moments as well. You would not be able to choose the moments you want to see, but the subconscious mind would only do it for you.

One day, I just picked a silent spot, lied down & started to imagine that Iam in my final moments. Let me mention a point here - I have been meditating for few yrs now & although I have not progressed to the next level, I still can control my mind to some extent. So, my little experience in meditation helped me here as I prepared my brain to conceptualize the scene & told it to re-live the important moments of my life. It was not easy & I had to give up a couple of times, as I was not able to focus properly. My mind was wavering; roaming around here & there without any direction, but gradually came under control.

I gave my mind a free access & did not want to order it to choose any scene or event in particular. Yet, it was not surprising that the first few visuals were only those images which I had wanted to see; my parents, wife, relatives, friends, important events, achievements etc. But after a while, as I slowly slipped into a trance-like state, my mind started to play its own visuals. There was a flurry of visuals flowing continuously without any sequence & it also included my childhood memories.

The visuals were jumbled without any proper sequence & there was absolutely no methodology in its flow. It was more like a movie trailer & it went on for, maybe, 7-8 minutes. I seriously do not know if my mind had chosen the visuals on its own accord or if I had decided on all the visuals unintentionally before hand itself & forced them to play in my mind. Iam still a little confused about this subconscious thing, but the whole experience was fantastic, fabulous, spectacular & mind blowing.

It is difficult to explain the experience & I have no intentions of doing so as well. Because, most of my memories would not make sense to the readers & few are too emotional to be explained in public. Tears were rolling down my cheeks & it is not out of despair, but I was so happy to see some of the images & re-living them gave me immense joy that I just could not explain.

I was astonished to find some memories which I had not remembered till then. For example there was a visual, where as a small kid (maybe 8yrs) Iam having a Dosa with my parents in a small restaurant called WELCOME in purasaiwakkam. Our dresses, faces, surroundings, everything was so clear & it lasted only for a few seconds. My father is compelling me to try Rosemilk after finishing my dosa, while Iam insisting on grape juice. It passed on just like a flash & it was like deja-vu for me. Iam sure that it must have happened, but I had not remembered it till then. This means only one thing; that our subconscious mind stores almost all the memories (or could it be the random or the important ones) & brings them back when its required or called for.

Infact while I was reflecting on this experience, I also realized that such memories are the only salvation for elderly people. After a certain age, when they lose interest in magazines, television, food etc & when there is no one to communicate, it’s simply these memories that would keep them going. I often used to wonder what these old people would be feeling; always sleeping or resting with their eyes closed. Now, I have the answer; they must be re-living the moments of their life & that’s the only happiness they can have in that age. Playing those key moments in their mind again & again – until death.

At this moment, if I look back, Iam totally satisfied with my life. I have collected enough memories to last a lifetime. I have lived a very interesting life so far & am sure will continue to do so and collect more valuable memories. Infact, Iam surprised to find that Iam fond of my failure moments as well. I have been defeated so many times in my life & I have come across some dreadful moments so far. All these moments were terrible when they happened, but now they have become every bit enjoyable to me, just like my success moments.

This exercise made me understand few more things about life. There is no good thing or bad things in life. Every life is a good life, if it is lived positively. All moments are good moments, if it is of any purpose to anybody. Every experience only adds value to your life. If you are good enough & have a clear conscience all along, then even your failures would give you utmost satisfaction at the end of the day. It also made me realize the importance of collecting memories. More memories you have, more fulfillment you will have at the end of your life. And even those simple moments like spending time with parents as they age, playing with kids, going on a trip, learning new things etc gain great value over time. I have begun to appreciate every single aspect of my life & have become more thankful towards it.

EVERYDAY IS A GIFT. Yes! Its high time everybody understands this. Every minute we live & be of any purpose to anybody - it’s a gift. Every day should be considered invaluable & every moment of our lives must be cherished. Cherishing every moment is not easy & I don’t know if I would be able to do so. But I would most definitely try & keep on trying till I succeed. When you realize that these memories could be your only companion for a substantial period in your life, its better to collect them as much as possible. Its even better to create good moments in your life & then collect them as great memories.